Pressure or Makeover? That is the question.

 Have you ever been driving along minding your own business, when out of nowhere, a car pulls out in front of you and totally cuts you off?!
Instantly, you feel your blood pressure start to rise, adrenaline going, and you are now debating between the horn or the stare down.
Really? How rude could they be? Couldn't they have waited like 3 seconds and done us both a favor?

Or how about the time when you've been in a hurry at the grocery store, and you rush to the line, just to find out lady in front of you is his a giant stack of coupons she wants scanned?
Seriously? Feels like you'll be in line for hours!
You've seen that couponing show and they take all day for just one transaction!  Checking each price, returning stuff and adding stuff....so inconsiderate to the other customers. You think to yourself, "Why doesn't she try her coupon stuff when it's not so busy?!" "My errands are more important!" "I'm busier than everyone else!".

So, what do these scenarios have in common??? 
How about people that need a reality check on their inner beauty, right?
Well, I have more to say about these people, but we'll come back to them in a bit.

I talk about inner beauty quite a bit here. And I believe inner beauty is something we are all naturally born with. We arrive into this world so pure, innocent, and perfect.
As we grow into toddlerhood we require some teaching and nurturing, in order for us to preserve those perfect "newbornesque" qualities.
But, the older we get, the more difficult it is to maintain perfection and develop our inner beauty.

 I also believe, inner beauty is determined by the amount of effort we put into maintaining and restoring our  "newbornesque" qualities throughout life experiences. 
I think I can speak for most of us, when I say that we, in our everyday lives, hope to and strive to become better and better each day. 
With each new sunrise, there is a feeling of a fresh start and hope of change and progress within.  
To be more patient, kind to others, loving, compassionate, wise, accomplished, 
non judge mental, confident, or optimistic.  The list goes on and on. That is the goal, right?

These qualities we strive to master are tested on an every day basis. And how we choose to handle these daily experiences, will determine our growth of beauty, or lack their of.
Of course it can't be easy right?
We want to develop these traits to achieve perfection but, are we willing to go through all the pressure that will get us there? 
Easier said than done, I know. 
Improvement, has to be a conscious thought that leads to a determined decision.
We have a chance to make that choice each new day. But, the pressures we have to deal with in this life are difficult, to say the least. 
However, we have the choice to either use them for our growth and restoration of perfection or we 
can use them to bring us down and stunt that growth we hope for.
Everyone is dealing with their own personal pressures in life. Weather it be, low self esteem, a broken heart, health set backs, loneliness etc.

For me, my biggest pressure right now, is Motherhood.
It's a very complex topic, to say the least. But I can say that  there is NOTHING more rewarding or important for me right now, than to be a good mom. 
Motherhood has already taken me on the journey of my life and its only been 2 and a half years!
I have felt every emotion in the book since giving birth. I have also been forced to work on my own inner beauty, in a way that I never imagined!

If you know me, you know that one of my favorite things in the world are makeovers!
I love seeing the transformation and the positive impact they can make.
Well today, I have decided to show you my latest transformation. Some of my own personal before and afters. So, here goes!

                                             BEFORE:

BEFORE I became a Mom, I was selfish! So selfish. I just worried about me. When I was hungry, when I was tired, what I wanted to do for fun. Didn't have to wait on anyone, life was all on my time. Most of my thoughts involved me and, the attitude of, "What's in it for me?"

BEFORE I became a Mom, I was vain. I spent so much time on me. Obsessing on the way I looked, spent more time in front of mirror than I should. Using my paychecks for shopping trips and entertainment. I'd try to see how many  shoes I could add to my personal shoe collection. I had a whole bedroom that I used as my closet! I color coded all my clothes had everything where I wanted, so pretty and organized! Looks were a big deal, of course. I was self critical about my body. My perception of how I thought I looked and how I REALLY looked, was way off. I was self conscious about my growth spurt stretch marks. All 3 of them! I hated sitting down and feeling my stomach scrunch, thinking I had a fat roll or something. Haha, wow....so vain.

BEFORE I became a Mom, I was impatient. Time always went by SO slowly. I was always wanting others to hurry and quit "wasting MY time". I remember the feeling of boredom was a daily companion to me.

BEFORE I became a Mom I was prideful. I thought I was better than other women because I didn't have to deal with the "responsibility" of having kids. I felt like I was accomplishing more in life, because I had a good job and was fairly successful for my age at the time. I just viewed Stay at home Moms as average and kind of boring.
I remember telling myself when seeing a mom who had let herself go, "I will never let myself get that way". I thought, I was better...

BEFORE I became a Mom, I was not 100% converted to my faith, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  I wasn't 100% dedicated, I wasn't steadfast and immovable. Yes, I had a testimony and believed in the Church but, my heart had not been fully changed yet. I was living the motions but lacked conviction.
Hard truth to utter...

Well, my makeover process was pretty intense to say the least. Reality slapped me in the face pretty hard when I had my little Stela. A really hard slap. Like, really really hard. 
And little did I know, Motherhood would not get easier. I would be FORCED to endure a lot of pressure, that you just can't be prepared for.
But these experiences, no doubt,  have gotten me closer to being the person I eventually want and hope to become.

In some areas, I have had no choice but to change and adapt. In other areas, I have had to consciously choose to make that change with a positive attitude, in order for my inner beauty to keep progressing. And, not go crazy!
So, without further adue, here are my AFTERS!  

                                                                      AFTER: 

AFTER I became a Mom I am more selfless. I don't worry about me so much. I now worry about two little girls that need me most hours of the day. I have a Big responsibility to make sure they are fed when needed, rested when needed and even using the bathroom when needed too. I mean, who knew I would spend my time stressing about baby poop. Is it the right color, is it the right consistency, is it happening often enough? Ugh!
I don't do things on my time anymore. In fact, if I want to read or write down my thoughts like I am doing right now, I have to wake up at 4:30-5 to get the me time to do it. 
I don't sleep when I want to, I sleep when the baby or Stela doesn't need me. 
I don't eat when I feel like eating. I eat in between spoon feeding the baby and trickily feeding an uninterested toddler. I don't have time to be selfish.

AFTER I became a Mom, Vanity, was added to one of the endangered species lists.
After gaining 55 lbs. with my first pregnancy and 75 lbs. with my second, lets just say that my skin is 50% stretch mark free...
I have discovered that I didn't inherit very elastic skin. I used to be worried about my little "roll" of stomach. ha! Let's just say that it's not so little anymore. If you don't believe me, come talk to me for proof. Funny thing is, now, I'm not so critical about it. I look at it like my trophy.
Not as shiny, yes BUT, I worked HARD for my zebra stripes and spare skin! It is a reminder of the sacrifice of life, that I made, for another precious and priceless life. I am grateful to my girls for that, because they got my mind OFF of obsessing about my looks and ON what really is important. I am no longer Vanity's slave! Thanks to them :)
My hair routine has changed drastically. I wouldn't even call it a routine anymore. I have three hairstyles I rotate between. Need a wash soon, overdue for a wash, and, I finally got time for a wash!
My makeup routine went from 1 hour, to 5,10 min. And that's usually with the girls "helping" me or stealing my shadow and brushes to do their own makeup.
My wardrobe, has diminished to a mere variety of nursing shirts or maternity shirts, because I have either been pregnant or nursing for the past 4 years.
Oh, and my clothes is now located in quaint corner of the girls' closet that once was "my room".
And remember my shoe collection I once had? Well, it's safe to say, I don't collect shoes anymore.
And now, the only thing that's color coded anymore is, well, let's be honest, NOTHING, nothing at all!!!

AFTER I became a mom, the word and act of patience, got a WHOLE NEW MEANING. Being in a hurry all the time, is a thing of the past!
I don't really know if this part of Motherhood, I can even put into words.
Endurance is the word that comes to mind, I guess. Enduring long hours, night or day. Enduring, pain and discomfort, physically and emotionally.
Enduring long hours of discomfort, loneliness, fear, pressure of personal or others' expectations, sleep deprivation, and the list goes on...and on!
I have had to keep my cool through some very hairy situations with the girls. I often find myself thinking, "Is this really happening to me right now???" And during those hairy moments, there is NOTHING I can do about it, nothing. I just deal with it the best I can.
Like the time I went shopping for some much needed pants, alone with the girls, while on a little out of town trip as a family.
I arrived to the store, put them both in the cart, Stela, took her shoes off to try on some Hello Kitty slippers. I grabbed a few things and was happily browsing along, when Stela tells me she has to go to the bathroom. I could tell she meant now, so I sped up the pace and took her to the restroom area. Then I realized, carts aren't allowed in the bathroom and I would have to hold the baby, hold my purse, and help Stela use the bathroom.
When she stood up for me to take her, I noticed her pants were soaked. Not her fault at all, but my first reaction is to get upset, I didn't thankfully. Poor girl just couldn't hold it.
I immediately realized that she was sitting on the Hello Kitty slippers! And of course, they were wet too. At this point,  I can feel my body heating up and heart rate rising.
I had no choice but to just hoist her out of the cart, no shoes, baby in one arm, bag on my shoulder, and walk her to the bathroom. The germ issue at this point, goes out the door. Just trying to survive here.
I help her get out of the wet clothes, have her finish going pee, and all of this while baby and bag are still in my arms.
I carry both girls to the cart, since Stela is bare bummed at this point. Put the baby and bag in, wrap Stela in a blanket and sit her back in the cart. Then, separate the peed on stuff from the miraculously dry stuff. Collect my thoughts and emotions, buy the dang slippers and get outta there!
 So, after I packed the girls in the car, decided we were in need of lunch. I saw Chick fil A on my way there, and decide that, that's what I was craving.We got excited for some yummy chicken nuggets and headed over.
We arrive to the location, take Stela out, take baby out, put on jackets, shoes (they get taken off while I'm driving) and start walking toward the building when, I notice the ginormous "Coming Soon" sign. I just stood there for a good while, didn't know if I was going to cry or what. I just stood there shaking my head. When I gathered the energy, which was hard to come by since I am pregnant and all, I took the girls back to the car. And guess what? Stela has to pee again :) at this point, I just strapped on a diaper and buckled her in.
Drove to a Carl's Junior, got whatever was close to my Chick Fil A craving(Which btw, worst food ever), a kids meal, an went back to the hotel. Whew!
That day, my patience threshold reached a whole new level...but, at least Stela got something good out of it. She loves her Hello Kitty Slippers....

AFTER I became a Mom, my pride has been overtaken by a much more powerful force called, "Humility". In so many areas, I have had to humble myself in order to do what's best for our family as a whole. I now look at those Mothers I once thought I was better than, and think of how much respect I have for them.

I now, see very clearly, that you will sacrifice anything, even your pride, for your children.
I find myself doing a lot of things in public, that I normally wouldn't be doing. You know, singing random songs to them, dancing and jumping around. Stuff I never would've done before. Not in a million years!
I even got talked into getting a mini van when we found out I was pregnant again. Talk about your pride going out the window...I'm 25 and I drive a van...yeah. And it's not a cute van either ;)
But, for my girls, it's worth it! All of it.

AFTER I became a Mom, my heart was changed. I became fully converted to my faith.
After I had Stela, I had to go through some trying situations.
 A time in my life when I couldn't just rely on myself anymore. I had to really ask and search for divine help. Stela kept me grounded and focused. I had her to keep me going through it all.
Over that period of time, I had a few experiences that truly, transformed my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, for good.
I had that "change of heart" where I had "no desire to do evil".
I knew, without a doubt, that I loved and fully believed the Church I belonged to. A Church that is right, and true! I now understood the importance of its teachings and principles. I knew, without an ounce of doubt, that we're led by a living Prophet and that he does speak to our Heavenly Father for revelation.
I finally understood what it meant to be converted and, I was!
I want this for my children so badly, because I love it! It is a feeling of euphoria that cannot be described. I know it is the way to joy and everlasting happiness, in this life and the life to come.
These girls keep me on my toes and make sure to keep me in line. They help me do the "Small and simple little things" that in the end, matter most and make the biggest difference.
I know, with full conviction of heart and mind, that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, is true! And I am great full for that knowledge.
This "AFTER", is immensely priceless to me.

So, there you have it! My latest makeover results.
I can honestly say that, that was the most important and necessary makeover of my life.
Even though I have been put through the ringer these past few years, I realize that this pressure of life has also been my biggest blessing. I know I'm not finished with my makeover process, but my girls have definitely sped it up. I am becoming who I eventually want to be, because of them.
They push me to be more patient, optimistic, tolerant, compassionate, loving, hard working, confident, accepting, merciful, giving, and even more determined.
There is nothing in my life that would've pushed me to those things had I not chosen to become a Mother.

I am thankful to them for helping me in my transformation to become a better version of me.
They help keep me grounded and remind me to just simplify.

For example, When an adult sees dust, our natural reaction is, we want it gone. It is a nuisance and it just makes things look dirty. Just some pesky dust, right?
Well, one day, I was cleaning up the house. I opened our drapes to let some light into the room and as I opened them, the sun lit up the dust that was routinely floating in the air.
The next thing I know, Stela is jumping up and down in excitement and amazement. Yelling, "SPARKLES!" She had her hands raised above her head, spinning in circles, just letting the "sparkles" dance around her.
I paused, trying to figure out what she was looking at, and I realized it was the dust that was Sparkling in the sunlight.
Something I had seen many times before, but never took the time to really see it.
Since that day, I see dust in a whole new "light".
I always think of Stela's smile and excitement about mere dust particles in the air.
Those are the moments and experiences right there, are the ones that make Motherhood sooo worth it. A privilege to be exact. Those moments coat your heart with a renewed layer of love and fill up your soul with renewed devotion and hope for life.

So whatever pressure you are having at the moment, I encourage you to look at it as your makeover process. Try writing down any "before and afters" that may have taken place already. Even if you think there are none. You may be surprised.
What we do with our pressures can either hinder our internal growth and progress, or they can eventually transform us into the person we want to become.
Though it is never easy, it is always more bearable when you choose to stay optimistic and hopeful. When you don't give energy to the negative thoughts that sabotage that feeling of hope, you allow your makeover process to become more efficient an quicken up that transformation you want to occur.

We are all struggling. We are all under pressure, we are all in the same boat. It's time we realize that.
Remember the two scenarios I gave at the beginning? The driver who cut off another driver and the coupon lady that held up the line?
Well, I something to confess.
I am that driver, I am that couponing lady.
My intentions were good, but I am human.
Sometimes the stresses of life way heavy in my heart and mind, add a crying baby in the car and an impatient toddler and you get: a distracted Mom.
I'd never purposely cut someone off. But I honestly, didn't see them there and I made a mistake.
And as for the line hold up; I spent 5 hrs cutting coupons, researching deals, and planning my trip during the week. My husband finally has a day off so, I venture out to the store, in a hurry because I have a baby needing me to nurse her when I get home. I have a window of time, I grab what I need and go to the check out. Well, things don't go as planned, and I have to leave some things and add some things, in order to make the coupons work. (Love/hate relationship with coupons)
The lady behind me, huffing and puffing, giving me the look, even after I apologize, probably didn't realize the time and sacrifice I put into this transaction. Or she might have been more patient.
So, I just want to say once and for all to all of you, is to just be a little more patient with everyone.
Since we don't see each others' pressures, it can be easy to assume that their pressure is less intense than our own. But, usually, that's not the case.

I know for myself, I am nowhere near perfect. I have so many good intentions but, when life happens, I fall short.
My house is rarely clean, I'm not always put together, I lose my patience, I lack motivation, I don't have perfectly healthy meals for my kids all the time, I lose track of time, I get angry and discouraged, I misplace things, I forget to smile and appreciate what I DO have.
But, so does EVERYONE ELSE!

These are the pressures that transform us. Our inner "makeover" process.
So, I encourage you rededicate and commit to being more patient of others' shortcomings, more understanding of mistakes and more compassionate of our fellow men. I know this will make our "AFTER" results a lot more impacting on our quest to perfection.